From August 2010

Old post from BEFORE that I decided was decent enough to stick around through the AFTER.


I feel like guilty pleasures are horribly misnamed. That would imply that you feel guilty about something that gives you pleasure. I came to realize a while ago that I don't really feel guilty or embarrassed or whatever about anything I enjoy. Somewhere out there, someone else likes doing it too. So no biggie, right?

It is hard though, thinking about my guilty pleasures. They're mostly just things I like to do, but that would make them just likes, not guilty pleasures. So what exactly is a guilty pleasure if you don't feel guilty about it? So I came to the conclusion that guilty pleasures are things I like, that most people don't know I like. As in, if you aren't my friend, you have no clue I like it. For example, it would be dumb to say playing flute is a guilty pleasure, because most people know I'm in band. I feel like guilty pleasures are more like small, stupid things in life that make me really happy when they don't exactly have any reason to. So that's the definition I'm going by.

That being said, here's a list of the petty things that make me really happy.

That really excited feeling I get when I listen to a fantastic new song by my favorite band or a song that I used to love but forgot it even existed. When suddenly, the song just clicks and I automatically know every lyric and it feels like a tight little ball of energy and joy that sits just over my heart and glows in time with my heart, which just happens to be beating out the tempo of the song. I love that.

I really enjoy painting my nails. It's therapeutic in a way.

Coffee; but like when I'm out walking on a brisk fall night with a book tucked under my arm while drinking it and knowing I could just curl up into a pile of crunchy leaves under a streetlight on a deserted road somewhere and just read my heart out and it'll be there to keep me warm. Or gulping it down harsh and black during a serious conversation about the future and life and personal stuff when the bitterness of the coffee exactly matches the complexity of my feelings and relationships.

Harry Potter. Seriously, I wouldn't be who I am without those books.

When I'm talking to someone trying to explain a really complex thing that can't really be explained and they just get it. It's beautiful when that happens.

Going exploring. Mostly when I find something or end up somewhere crazy cool and just have a blast. Just going out and doing something that I have no idea what I'm getting myself into but it turns out to be the best night I ever had. Or when I find a really pretty spot in the woods that completely inspires me. Specifically, I adore trashy little diners. Seriously, talk to the people who work in them. They are some of the coolest people you will ever meet. Those are the people who are in the dumpster of life and they fight through that every day just to survive.

Books that are extremely entertaining and enjoyable, yet believable and somehow, through the laughter and tears, manage to teach me a little about life. Mostly John Green novels.

Newsies. I really really love that movie.

M*A*S*H. Most kids my age have never even heard of it and honestly, my heart breaks a little every time someone looks at me confused when I mention it. That show is my life. I am going to marry someone exactly like Hawkeye one day and it will be the happiest day of my life. The ability of that show to be hysterical but so sad and emotional and real is phenomenal. When I think about it, I just want to cry because I love it so much. My dad was never really there for me like most dads but the one thing he did do was introduce me to this show and it changed my life. That show is my connection to him and that just makes it so much better.

Cuddling. To explain how I feel about this in song form: Isn't it funny how the more we kiss, the less I really feel? Just lay beside me tonight so I can feel something real. Like a heartbeat. Or a whisper. A soft breath. Or a shiver.

What makes you happy?